Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
