I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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