maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Come see our sink grown plant.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
