I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
