At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
