The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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