Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
