Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Welp...herpes.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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