I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
