New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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