Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
