Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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