my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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