just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
