i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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