Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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