If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
