Kareoke will never be a sober sport
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
