Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
