she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
