I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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