I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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