the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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