so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
