I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
