Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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