I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
