your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
