Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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