Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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