i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
