My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
