Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
