Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
