1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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