You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
this is an emotional support booty call
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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