If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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