i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
