He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
