He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Of course I have a pirate flag
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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