i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
