swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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