You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
