wake up i wanna do it froggy style
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
