She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
