I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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