Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would fuck him just for his dog
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
