I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
