Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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