that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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