so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
