I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
