I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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